Tag Archive | Loving

I am Single Because…

The man who is according to my very long and detailed fantasy list suppose to be cuddling with me at night went down the isle whilst I was busy grieving after being cheated on by a man who was not only all kinds of pathetic but still maintains his highly regarded occupation of being a skillful and discreet serial womaniser.

Another thing is the man who’s meant to be with me is sceptical about the whole of me. He has professionally friend-zoned me by insisting that the five year gap between us makes him too old to have anything intimate to do with me. He keeps referring to an ex of mine everytime things start to get cosy and an inch too magical between us. He asks irrelevant questions like how many guys I’ve gone down with, as if undermining or maybe weighing my womanhood and my ability to receive and give love.

I’m also single because the not so gentle man who wants to be with me is undoubtedly not my type. Type in this particular case implies his very dry and sexually centred sense of humour that gives me cringes and annoyance in equal measure. His dominating demeanour leaves me listening to stories of his success and achievements hundred percent of the time when the only thing I need is to be held and caressed in calming silent. He is undoubtedly not my type because a conversation only makes sense to him if after his acclaimed capabilities to explore the female body (body being an undertone in this instance) ends in nakedness and an orgasm.

In all honesty, I’m single because giving and receiving love has been reduced to dirty talk, nude pics and shagging the living life out of each other’s physicality. In all of this, the heart is sidelined, its attention desired but its whole affection unattended to. Getting a sex partner seems more important than getting to know a person. And here I stand, single because all I really want are little things that grow a person in remarkable ways. Like a pair of ears, that will have interest on the occurrences of my journey and shed light unto my challenges. A mouth and a tongue that will not just be happy to lock with my lips and tongue. But lips and tongue that will create words that will mould not only me but that which we’re trying to build.

So yes I know, I’m single because amongst many other things, I’m asking for far too much from a world of individuals who pride themselves about giving zero fucks and I’m very aware that this can’t be the world I signed up to. I’m unable to adapt and I could very well be slowly dying. Perhaps they are right, I should just get a highly educated psychologist and a good motivational read because times have changed and no one saw it fit to email me the newsletter.

The Nature of Love

We, human beings are an amazing lot. Our creation is beyond the simplicity of the Bing Bang Theory. I truly believe that the roots of our existence are encompassed in the deepest book of secrets that is still yet not known to our scientists.

I think, due to the fact that we do not know everything about ourselves. We spend the entirety of our lives trying to make sense of who we really are through hypothesises, past and many other aspects of our lives that we think can help us make sense of our selves.

We shall only look into our selves here through the journey of trying to make sense of our feelings. A feeling is that encounter which one person experiences individually whilst the person on the other end can reciprocally experience it through a series of verbs and adjectives (my definition).

We have manifested feelings as part of our lives, we no longer encounter them but they have become our daily experience. We have drawn our attention so close to them for this is how we relate to one another as a people – through feelings.
Only after we have identified the feelings that exist between us, we are able to name the type of relationship that we choose to build with the other person of whom the feelings are experienced towards. Otherwise we choose to be strangers because the feeling is not strong enough.

In my definition, feelings are the exertion that draws us close to one another. Sometimes this force becomes so ardent that our whole body reacts to it. This incident is the most profound of all feelings, according to me. However, we have practised it in torment and because of fear we sometimes see the need to discount its presence – LOVE.

I have observed that as we grow, we are likely to try and understand love in comparison to pain and failed love relationships. This is not how we should go about love. Love should be shared from one human being to the next by extending the exertion as pure as it rose from within; limitless with only room for growth. The feeling of love has been torn by many vultures that the love we now exchange for one another comes badly scribbled in very tiny fonts of terms and conditions. The very same terms and conditions become our own vultures that we unknowingly and constantly feed whereas in return, they deprive us the capacity to experience love at its purest abundance.

The fact that we have met people, who have used the name of love to accomplish their deceitful deeds, is heartache. This aching should not be the reason of permitting the temporary feeling of fear into hindering love because love possesses the capability to rescue us from the agony of the past. Love knows no pain; therefore it does not have the ability to torment anybody. However, we humans dwell in pain because it becomes too difficult for us to let go of encounters that left us deeply scarred. For this reason, experiencing the fullness of love becomes an impossible task as we are forever trying to protect ourselves from the repetitions of the misfortunes of the past, even though we are in the future.

A brick that we trip and fall over when taking the journey to experience the fullness of love is that we have defined the word love to an extent that we miss the indigenous feeling of love, which is beyond word definition. We need to understand that love is something that was engrained in us. We cannot go around looking for it. It lives within us. To copiously experience it externally, we need to allow it to overflow from within and then to the outside world. This is why many will say you need to love yourself first in order to attract love.

Another fault that we fall short of is that we give the fullness exertion of love to a person whose feelings have not matured enough to give us back the same amount of love that we have unconsciously given to them. This results in nothing but complete anguish. The anguish is due as this person lacks the aptitude to share the feeling correspondingly towards you. We then choose to make this a burden by trying in our utmost efforts to persuade the person into understanding the feeling in the same way that we individually experience it. We forget that love needs to be conjoint for it to flow impeccably. Otherwise it yields the greatest of torments.

Love is a force that never dies. The disorder in our lives embeds it with darkness. We miss love and the delight it was created to bring in our lives because we are too busy trying to find meaning for everything. If you can, may you just please free yourself from the boundaries of the society’s definition of love. Let love do to you what it’s meant to do to you, nourish you. Nonetheless, even if you attempt to disregard it, bear in mind that love is a power that was preordained to never go unnoticed. The power of love has the forte to creep upon you when you least expect it, for the reason that it resides in the exact same places that we go for to seek refuge.