Tag Archive | dating

I am Single Because…

The man who is according to my very long and detailed fantasy list suppose to be cuddling with me at night went down the isle whilst I was busy grieving after being cheated on by a man who was not only all kinds of pathetic but still maintains his highly regarded occupation of being a skillful and discreet serial womaniser.

Another thing is the man who’s meant to be with me is sceptical about the whole of me. He has professionally friend-zoned me by insisting that the five year gap between us makes him too old to have anything intimate to do with me. He keeps referring to an ex of mine everytime things start to get cosy and an inch too magical between us. He asks irrelevant questions like how many guys I’ve gone down with, as if undermining or maybe weighing my womanhood and my ability to receive and give love.

I’m also single because the not so gentle man who wants to be with me is undoubtedly not my type. Type in this particular case implies his very dry and sexually centred sense of humour that gives me cringes and annoyance in equal measure. His dominating demeanour leaves me listening to stories of his success and achievements hundred percent of the time when the only thing I need is to be held and caressed in calming silent. He is undoubtedly not my type because a conversation only makes sense to him if after his acclaimed capabilities to explore the female body (body being an undertone in this instance) ends in nakedness and an orgasm.

In all honesty, I’m single because giving and receiving love has been reduced to dirty talk, nude pics and shagging the living life out of each other’s physicality. In all of this, the heart is sidelined, its attention desired but its whole affection unattended to. Getting a sex partner seems more important than getting to know a person. And here I stand, single because all I really want are little things that grow a person in remarkable ways. Like a pair of ears, that will have interest on the occurrences of my journey and shed light unto my challenges. A mouth and a tongue that will not just be happy to lock with my lips and tongue. But lips and tongue that will create words that will mould not only me but that which we’re trying to build.

So yes I know, I’m single because amongst many other things, I’m asking for far too much from a world of individuals who pride themselves about giving zero fucks and I’m very aware that this can’t be the world I signed up to. I’m unable to adapt and I could very well be slowly dying. Perhaps they are right, I should just get a highly educated psychologist and a good motivational read because times have changed and no one saw it fit to email me the newsletter.


The Future Resides Within us and The Past Remains Historically Unchanged Behind Us.


The past is not the definite definition of who I am. Yes, it has formed part of who I choose to be today, BUT I am not bounded nor restricted by the moments it brought into my historical life.

You know, I had only read about such incidents in magazines and never thought of it as a factual circumstance that I could encounter. I went out on a date a few months ago. Everything was seemingly okay, could have been better. Maybe it’s the arrogance that resides in me, but I would assume that on a first date, all conversation endeavors would lead into knowing the person sitting opposite you a little bit better. Well at least that is what I know I would definitely prefer.

Mr I went on a date with was in all aspects not interested in the person opposite him. Other than attempting to know me and finding a way forward for the both of us. Mr here, in front of me was busy asking me about my ex of whom I had halted our effort in a relationship for almost two years. He kept asking about him and why we had broken up. This really irritated me for my ex was the past which was so not vital that I could abandon global news, the least and rather be fumbling about him on a first date with somebody who wanted to take part in something more precious, my future.

Clearly this gentleman was astounded by occurrences of the past. The way he profoundly yakked about his ex-girlfriend, selecting each word from the best adjectives of the Britannica online, this delicate dish of adjectives was served with hand gestured which would from time to time block the face. This was an interesting face, the kind that is given to toddlers; round chubby chicks, small glowing eyes and thin soft looking lips. That is however not so attractive for a grown up male, my opinion. Mr date was not an interesting male, looking at his pregnancy resembling belly would make you lose interest, that deems me an extremely patient lady.

Looking at him was confusing and interesting at the damn same time but listening to him, well that was just another story. He had a soft, low voice with minor soothing and yet squeaky elements; this is the kind of voice sometimes found in women. My date was so soaked in the past life he might as well have been a resurrected ancestor from the many long dead centuries. I mean even during the drive to the restaurant, he jabbered about the past. When we arrived at the restaurant, maybe it provoked and woken historical memories of him and his beloved ex-girlfriend because that is about the only thing I would hear him say in my resurrections from my own future worries that crowded my head.

If you are immensely absorbed in one’s past, you instill in me the idea to believe that you have not made necessary arrangements of moving forward without a share of that person’s part in you. In my not so scientific perspective, what matters the most is the person in front of you and the future ahead of you. What cannot be changed does not deserve the pleasure of putting to ruin what you can have. History is a part from which we require the ability to extract fundamentals and apply the knowledge in the present encounters. We live in the present; we do not have the luxury to dwell in the past – we must never forget such a fact.


We are created with the ability to adapt to change and the capability to move forward with change (we cannot sleep and wake up to yesterday nor travel back in time). Our thoughts possess such privilege, to travel back in time. Our past is carried by the un-resting programs in our heads. Whether we choose to replay these instances over and over is a choice we make. Our present and future lives should not succumb to the past self. We are liable to take notes of lessons and strategies from the past that have the ability to positively shape who and what we want to be.  I see no need of reminding people of what they use to be if it won’t be a reciprocal falls off chair kind of joke for everyone.


The past can be a daunting nightmare that creeps up to you even in your midday nap. If it consistently and severely crowds your present, that is a clear indication that you need to deal with it. Take my not so interesting date for instance; he was still emotionally attached to his adjectively acclaimed ex-girlfriend. However, he lacked the strength and courage to face the truth. Whether he was scared or ego tripping, I would never know. Live freely as an individual; if something overwhelms you, act upon it especially if its capability ranges so wide that it possesses the ability to ruin your present. We are not the past, we need to face the past and its truth and find a way to move on effortlessly with our present. We are only one thing, the future!