I’m not yet Certain About Your Version of the Truth, I NEVER Said You’re Old and Stupid and That’s My Truth

Its always a shock, talk of the town gossip when that ‘cute’, petite, bald little innocent, lovable girl is caught up in a rumour or a misunderstanding. So it came as a surprise gone wrong when out of what I thought was an innocent group interaction with colleagues I became a victim of a rumour that became the truth to another’s head. 


A part of me was torn and crushed into a million pieces. I’m a woman, I’ve been made to believe I’m inadequate before and for the mere fact that another woman felt this way and the person in question was me made my colourful small world very dark and ugly. I couldn’t believe that the little girl who was a mockery because of her dark skin, the girl who was always imitated for the laughing pleasure of everyone else grew up to find people she knows nothing about ‘old and stupid’. It felt like I was in a twisted, devil orchestrated version of my biography. 


When my senior brought these news unto my attention I was appalled, tears secretly wanted to escape my eyes, my heart was beating slightly weird and I wasn’t sure whether I was angry or disappointed because I knew nothing of these allegations.


As I walked out of what is meant to look like a boardroom my fierceness was having none of this crap and wanted to have it sorted out there and then because even though I’m almost a thousand percent certain that I don’t suffer from memory loss, I don’t for the life in me recall saying anyone is old and stupid. Never mind that stupid is a word that’s not in my vocabulary because I have only known to me difficulty in pronouncing it.


The other very chilled half of me wanted to let sleeping dogs lie because even if I did say she’s old and stupid, why would my opinion of her matter?


Anyway I wanted to be a grown up about this and ask her about it. Wrong move, only then I didn’t know about it. As I was taking a seat on the table she was sitting on, she stood up and left before I could even say a single word. And I automatically became convoluted. I felt both like a bully and a school teacher dealing with a teenager in her prime of adolescent. Except I was faced with a very older woman than me, married with family etc.


I was left there thinking, maybe I should have called her stupid because even though I didn’t know it then, I assume that’s how stupid people would act in such a really silly incident. 


If she wanted to clarify things with me, she would have came to me and told me what I allegedly said and how it made her feel. Yes people deal with things differently but I honestly thought mature people with families handle such matters with intelligence and delicacy. Now I’m kinda not sure what her intention is because we will be working in the same team every single day of her life or until I resign and give her the freedom I feel she’s needing right now. 


I know that even though I’m being accused of something I never said, she’s validated it in her head and carries it with her since she’s made in clear that talking to me would be a loss of something valuable to her. Now all I’m left with here is questions over questions and a slight sadness or is it disappointment? When do people realise that other people’s opinion about them is not a new version of their own truth about themselves?


Until I find a way out of this situation and answers to my unanswered questions I will be faced with an inch of discomfiture everytime I have to pump into her and her clique.


Set the Unemployed Free

This is for those who are searching but haven’t yet found. Tomorrow is going to be a good day, they strengthen themselves. Thank heavens somebody found brilliance in today, they silently pray.

If you’re a cold-hearted insensitive bustard, bloody lucifer this aint for you.

And before I go too far, my hands were practising free-writing and my fingers were on steroids when I wrote this – TboTouch owes me a horn*. So you might not like the way my liberated brain outwardly expressed itself.

In the mix of everything don’t mistake slurs for sarcasm or visa versa.

Looking for work is (raise your glass of approval) a draining, impoverishing son of a street kid. She is raised by begging, monitored by fellows and crushed by ‘friends’. She is always on the run, trying to be at the right place, the right time, making connections with the right people. But oh what an unlucky hustler, she is more often than not, uhmm not the right candidate—bloody unsuccessful. ‘Unfortunately’ her emails read.

If you’ve never had to look for work, bless you. If you’re looking for work, bless you. And if you don’t let people know of companies that are hiring, bless you some more.

Being without a job is a bucket load of things. Unemployment is one excruciating affliction better known only to the internal being of the unemployed.

Seeking employment sucks – a devilish scripted melodrama. An unforgettable roller coaster ride from the ‘final destination’ if you know what I mean.

You spend money with hopes of making more in the near future just to impress people who might be put off by the fact that you’ve gone an extra mile.

And sometimes its confusing; others claim that you’re over-qualified whilst others will tell you that they’re looking for someone with more experience. Like?!?

So you can never be certain when looking for work.

Sometimes the weird thing is walking out of that interview feeling like a champion, knowing that you nailed the interview to the wall but still don’t get hired. What’s even worse however is that you don’t even know what you did wrong. But what the heck, maybe interviewers are also like Simon Cowell – just there to fuddle your brain.

Stress is altogether undeniable for employment seekers. Proving to a company that you can do the work that they might not employ you for is one helluva task. Its like trying to explain to your 90 year old grandpa why scrolling down people’s thoughts—which are sometimes plain lies, is so addictive.

And then the convincing. You have to act like you completely love the company and the shit they do. Behave as if nothing will excite you more than working for them – like you don’t have bills to pay and clothes to buy.

After you’ve gone through all of that, they shove you into the rejection corner and go for someone whose less competent, less driven and less capable of doing the job but speaks better English. And they leave you asking yourself the necessity of the interview process.

After a while of wasting money attending interviews, attempting to look your best and speaking the queens language like its your second nature, you’re still not hired.

You need a break because fuck this job hunting shit—its draining. To an extent, it is demoralising, demotivating and depressing.

And in the midst of all the ‘de’ noted words, there are employers. Geezus! Some are ruthless, some are kind others are two-faced and the rest tweet rubbish.

So can we just take a minute and set the unemployed free. Stop looking at them with pity. Stop calling them lazy. Stop wanting them to buy you shit. Stop bragging to them about your shits. Stop telling them they can do it for themselves because you also once had a shitty job. Just stop it. Stop being shit.

Start creating more opportunities. Start grooming entrepreneurs while they are still young. Start supporting SME’s. Start teaching young ones financial management. Start supporting and uplifting your fellow compatriots. Start giving youngsters more than just motivational talks. Start giving people relevant and useful information. Start something.

Being unemployed is difficult. It lowers one’s self esteem. It makes one wonder what is it that they do not have or if they have chosen the right path.

So please, let’s give the unemployed a break-through other than a breaking point.

One more thing, let’s stop judging people who are doing jobs that seem petty to us because nobody knows anybody’s journey.

Thank you

*a horn is a noise that TboTouch ‒  a very energetic drive time radio jock from one of South Africa’s prominent radio stations makes for his listeners who are on ‘steroids’ (as he usually puts it) as a ‘thumps-up’ acknowledgement.