Archive | September 2014

I am Single Because…

The man who is according to my very long and detailed fantasy list suppose to be cuddling with me at night went down the isle whilst I was busy grieving after being cheated on by a man who was not only all kinds of pathetic but still maintains his highly regarded occupation of being a skillful and discreet serial womaniser.

Another thing is the man who’s meant to be with me is sceptical about the whole of me. He has professionally friend-zoned me by insisting that the five year gap between us makes him too old to have anything intimate to do with me. He keeps referring to an ex of mine everytime things start to get cosy and an inch too magical between us. He asks irrelevant questions like how many guys I’ve gone down with, as if undermining or maybe weighing my womanhood and my ability to receive and give love.

I’m also single because the not so gentle man who wants to be with me is undoubtedly not my type. Type in this particular case implies his very dry and sexually centred sense of humour that gives me cringes and annoyance in equal measure. His dominating demeanour leaves me listening to stories of his success and achievements hundred percent of the time when the only thing I need is to be held and caressed in calming silent. He is undoubtedly not my type because a conversation only makes sense to him if after his acclaimed capabilities to explore the female body (body being an undertone in this instance) ends in nakedness and an orgasm.

In all honesty, I’m single because giving and receiving love has been reduced to dirty talk, nude pics and shagging the living life out of each other’s physicality. In all of this, the heart is sidelined, its attention desired but its whole affection unattended to. Getting a sex partner seems more important than getting to know a person. And here I stand, single because all I really want are little things that grow a person in remarkable ways. Like a pair of ears, that will have interest on the occurrences of my journey and shed light unto my challenges. A mouth and a tongue that will not just be happy to lock with my lips and tongue. But lips and tongue that will create words that will mould not only me but that which we’re trying to build.

So yes I know, I’m single because amongst many other things, I’m asking for far too much from a world of individuals who pride themselves about giving zero fucks and I’m very aware that this can’t be the world I signed up to. I’m unable to adapt and I could very well be slowly dying. Perhaps they are right, I should just get a highly educated psychologist and a good motivational read because times have changed and no one saw it fit to email me the newsletter.

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Very Intelligent Opinion. I Just Wish You Had a Pay-cheque to Match

This is my imaginary viewpoint everytime a social media platformist makes an unsolicited but philosophical and well structured comment about an issue that is anything but of concern to them.

Social media platformists, in case you’re quite busy with your business to know, are not philanthropists. Most of them just want to look good at the very delicate expense of your data or the neighbour’s wifi in some rare cases, solely because they choose to focus on things they have no business focusing on.

We watch them go from ‘eggs’ to ‘fam’ and finally graduate to *drum roll* bastards! Unfortunately and fortunately this happens every day but its none of our business until they end-up, for some silly odd reason, on our ‘mentions’. And when that annoying error happens, critical decisions need to be made.

As you might have noticed in your own life, there is a gap of intense emotions before every critical decision, unless you’re the I’ll go-with-the-flow because I have no sense of direction kind of person. Otherwise its only natural that there’s a critical decision for every mention/status that leaves your heart bumping in a slightly higher or worse still, lower rate. During this gap of emotions, there’s deep thought followed by, in shuffle order, a moment of wanting to be a ninja and rip the other person’s being into pieces or a moment of wanting to be plain cool and let it all go like Mandela.

Example:

first online mistake, making people think you're weak and incapable

online suicide: making people believe you’re weak and incapable

I'm trying to be nice, reserved while keeping the 140 characters in check.

I’m trying to be nice, reserved while keeping the 140 characters in check.

judgement day delivered

judgement day delivered

I'm fuming internally

I’m fuming internally

The strange yet accepted phenomenon about social media is that even though you are very aware that you don’t know me, never met me or never seen me or a picture that resembles me without the prestige artification of photo-shop. You still somehow, out of your hectic schedule, find time to be consumed by emotions and impose on me your misguided and misinformed opinion. The nerve to question my secretly kept unless you know me constituents!

I am not quite certain if this information has ever been exposed in close proximity of social media platformists’ territory but nobody wants to be imposed or judged more especially by people who know very little to nothing about their being. However it seems more and more social media beings seek the need to tell people they do not know what is worthy and what is the understood and acceptable standard of going about their lives.

Here is something for the consumption of your data: there is absolutely nothing wrong with constructive criticism, especially if the person at the receiving end values your thoughts which are tweets that are opinions. Its always a great deed to engage one’s self in nation building. However, imposing, judging and over analysing matters that add zero value to your gas exchange processing is uncalled for and quite time consuming if you asked me.

On the other very far end, perhaps you should spend your time dissecting tweets because hey, the thoughts of their engineers are important to you. They influence your daily routines and who/what you really are. I’ve secretly thought about it, the prestige, value and impact mere tweets have on some people. But I was also worried, maybe we are an obscured generation whose not responsible for what they read or can’t even choose what influences to sponge on. Therefore our only source of information becomes our peers’ ideologies. So we feel some sort of entitlement to their thoughts because in some important way, they represent who we are.

After all has been said and nothing done, everyone should utilise social media freely and whilst practising our freedom of social media, if its not too late, can we let this, social media rudeness which is more often portrayed as sarcasm as the standard every ‘tweep’ should live by go and channel our energies into bringing unemployment to extinction.