Archive | July 2014

Black People of KFC

“we are KFC”

Today, tomorrow, KFC; everyday is a good day to have KFC in a black household.

KFC is to black people what a discount is to Indian people.

The same way whites believe that Woolworths brings the best produced foods. We black people also believe that no chicken comes close to KFC.

“love is KFC”

 Some black people don’t even care what KFC stands for (and I won’t bore you with the expansion either) as long as the chicken tastes great.

The black middle class has KFC for lunch, on pay day.

In food courts, I have seen more KFC on black people’s tables than I’ve seen in any KFC outlet.

“cherish your KFC”

I’ve seen and learnt that KFC rules majority of black people’s households.

How has the black market taken advantage of their love for KFC? They are employed at every KFC and KFC is hardly if ever robbed at all.

If you hear them say ‘kentucky’, they are saying KFC in codes but it doesn’t mean they know what KFC stands for.

How many KFC outlets are black owned? Probably not enough but that’s not important to us as long as our monthly budget can accommodate KFC.

How many black people want to own KFC? (This is our posterity after all) probably not many BUT I can guarantee you that many want to purchase a bucket of KFC on pay day or wellfare payout day.

If you’ve never seen many black people happy at the same time in one place, you’ve never given a lot of black people in one venue KFC.

We black people like KFC so much we have our own imitation KFC version especially set aside and unleashed for delicate occasions like weddings and funerals.

If you’ve never seen black people queueing for hours for food they are paying for willingly, you’ve never been to a KFC outlet month end.

“we die for KFC”

And some black ladies say if he’s never taken you out to/bought you KFC, they have news for you.

KFC is the light at the end of every black person’s month.

“no weapon formed against KFC and black people shall prosper”

Black people can also be full of it some say KFC smells yuck when you’re finally loaded and pay day doesn’t mean much but smells great when your lips and pockets are equally dry as the undrinkable savanna.

After it all has been written and disagreed upon; there is a KFC story inside every black person.

“glory be to KFC”


Set the Unemployed Free

This is for those who are searching but haven’t yet found. Tomorrow is going to be a good day, they strengthen themselves. Thank heavens somebody found brilliance in today, they silently pray.

If you’re a cold-hearted insensitive bustard, bloody lucifer this aint for you.

And before I go too far, my hands were practising free-writing and my fingers were on steroids when I wrote this – TboTouch owes me a horn*. So you might not like the way my liberated brain outwardly expressed itself.

In the mix of everything don’t mistake slurs for sarcasm or visa versa.

Looking for work is (raise your glass of approval) a draining, impoverishing son of a street kid. She is raised by begging, monitored by fellows and crushed by ‘friends’. She is always on the run, trying to be at the right place, the right time, making connections with the right people. But oh what an unlucky hustler, she is more often than not, uhmm not the right candidate—bloody unsuccessful. ‘Unfortunately’ her emails read.

If you’ve never had to look for work, bless you. If you’re looking for work, bless you. And if you don’t let people know of companies that are hiring, bless you some more.

Being without a job is a bucket load of things. Unemployment is one excruciating affliction better known only to the internal being of the unemployed.

Seeking employment sucks – a devilish scripted melodrama. An unforgettable roller coaster ride from the ‘final destination’ if you know what I mean.

You spend money with hopes of making more in the near future just to impress people who might be put off by the fact that you’ve gone an extra mile.

And sometimes its confusing; others claim that you’re over-qualified whilst others will tell you that they’re looking for someone with more experience. Like?!?

So you can never be certain when looking for work.

Sometimes the weird thing is walking out of that interview feeling like a champion, knowing that you nailed the interview to the wall but still don’t get hired. What’s even worse however is that you don’t even know what you did wrong. But what the heck, maybe interviewers are also like Simon Cowell – just there to fuddle your brain.

Stress is altogether undeniable for employment seekers. Proving to a company that you can do the work that they might not employ you for is one helluva task. Its like trying to explain to your 90 year old grandpa why scrolling down people’s thoughts—which are sometimes plain lies, is so addictive.

And then the convincing. You have to act like you completely love the company and the shit they do. Behave as if nothing will excite you more than working for them – like you don’t have bills to pay and clothes to buy.

After you’ve gone through all of that, they shove you into the rejection corner and go for someone whose less competent, less driven and less capable of doing the job but speaks better English. And they leave you asking yourself the necessity of the interview process.

After a while of wasting money attending interviews, attempting to look your best and speaking the queens language like its your second nature, you’re still not hired.

You need a break because fuck this job hunting shit—its draining. To an extent, it is demoralising, demotivating and depressing.

And in the midst of all the ‘de’ noted words, there are employers. Geezus! Some are ruthless, some are kind others are two-faced and the rest tweet rubbish.

So can we just take a minute and set the unemployed free. Stop looking at them with pity. Stop calling them lazy. Stop wanting them to buy you shit. Stop bragging to them about your shits. Stop telling them they can do it for themselves because you also once had a shitty job. Just stop it. Stop being shit.

Start creating more opportunities. Start grooming entrepreneurs while they are still young. Start supporting SME’s. Start teaching young ones financial management. Start supporting and uplifting your fellow compatriots. Start giving youngsters more than just motivational talks. Start giving people relevant and useful information. Start something.

Being unemployed is difficult. It lowers one’s self esteem. It makes one wonder what is it that they do not have or if they have chosen the right path.

So please, let’s give the unemployed a break-through other than a breaking point.

One more thing, let’s stop judging people who are doing jobs that seem petty to us because nobody knows anybody’s journey.

Thank you

*a horn is a noise that TboTouch ‒  a very energetic drive time radio jock from one of South Africa’s prominent radio stations makes for his listeners who are on ‘steroids’ (as he usually puts it) as a ‘thumps-up’ acknowledgement.