From where I am sitting, we have become a world fond of creating stumble blocks for our own feet to trip on. When the inexorable time to fall flat on our faces comes, we are unlikely to admit that it is the fruits of our ingathering. We are so quick at pointing fingers, jumping high preaching that it is nothing but a pure mistake. It is in us, we do not take the blame especially when the results of our actions have turned even the beautiful of moments sour.
I was on a bus the other day. The gentleman I sat next to at the transit lounge gently asked to sit next to me when we boarded the bus. I looked at his reddish eyes after listening to his suspicious voice and said nothing. When the bus arrived, I quickly headed for the loo. Brother man said he’ll save a seat for me next to him. He’ll be seated on one of the front rows, due to his height which would not allow for knee relaxation on the other seats. I did not pay much attention to that.
I boarded the bus, brother man is already seated there, FRONT seat and waiting for me. I do not know whether I took more than the time he had estimated, for as soon as I sat foot on the bus, he grinned so wide – the kind of smile which a child after going missing for a minute in a busy supermarket wears when found darting about by their mother in a sweets isle. He recollected himself so as to make way for me but my eyebrow rose in disconcert. I passed him as though I did not see his whole existence. Excuse me! I was not going to sit in front as if this was a physical science lesson on motion and the so ever draining Sir Newton Laws.
I guess it’s true; some people do not give up that easily. They push boundaries – just a little, sacrifice themselves – once in a while and choose discomfort in hope to find it in the future, for brother man followed me to my seat. The journey began, so did his lame conversation attempts, he asked me out, requesting my cell-phone number every split second. So every split second I surrendered to the duty of telling him that he must be patient, I will give him my numbers when I (note the caps lock) saw the need to do so.
Since he was so interested in me and my almost non existing love life, I took the same root. No, I was not interested in him but I figured it would make the bus ride more enjoyable. The conversation had gone from lame to okay let me give you my ear and loosen my grip from the world of instant messaging and giggles. I had been hearing the resonance of his deep, creaky suspicious voice in my ears. As soon as I placed my phone on my lap and looked in his direction, he seated upright, began to pull his face together which made him more unpleasant to look at. So my eyes darted about, avoiding direct contact with any feature as I will pull a face and he will know what I think of him and his reddish (kinda ‘m high) eyes.
His annoying voice breaks in and he begins a self-introductory like the one you do in grade one except he would have earned himself a 2/10 due to the loop holes it had. In my convoluted nods, before I could throw a question or two to help me understand, he admits to amongst other roles to have fathered a daughter – this was meant to be an act of honesty, from him to me. He tells me about his sincerity and how meaningful he wants ‘US’ to be [typical, I think].
He had asked me if I had a partner. Well I did not and still don’t have the kind of partner he was referring to. I told him the truth. His eyes seemed brighter and more alive, his face blossomed. I do not know what he was thinking but it was sure doing his appearance a marvelous favour.
From then on, this is how it went;
Do YOU have a partner?
Okay by this time I already knew the answer.
Yes I do but….
Yes I did cut his deep suspicious voice.
Do you love her?
Brother man desperately ignores the question.
Ay, why are you asking me this?
Why are we even talking about her?
He is bluntly ignoring the question but [jerks] that is not how you would escape this girl. So I casually repeat my lovely self. I did the repetition three times then the answer came, in an even lower voice than the one I was now accustomed to.
Yes, I do love her.
My heart was glad. Do they still come with honesty instill in their inner beings, wow!
When are you going to marry her?
You have a child together right?
He gave me a lame answer, mumbling something about marriage being something that ‘just’ happens because of some luck one has. My mind instantly thought “who fumbles such nonsense at this man’s age, sies!” Brother man went on… He hadn’t made any plans to marry the girl of whom he had given the duty of a mother to but he loved her (so he admitted). Ladies I wish we had the guts to set the record straight from day one, we could curb so many unnecessary deeds, including the on going cycle of single motherhood.
He had in his mind this absurd idea that you do not in any way prepare for the coming of marriage in your life. If you have not prepared to accommodate beautiful accomplishments in your life, then you have made it clear that you do not want them to manifest in your life. I asked a lot of questions, bluntly because he had set fire to where they rest and I could not contain them.
The question which he appeared more allergic to was; “why did you have a baby?”. He of course answered like most stupid fools; “it was a mistake”. Say what? I was set ablaze! Literally. Do you know what a mistake is? You do not get naked with someone, touch them and be united with them on that level and thereafter claim the product of your action a mistake, NO! Sex is an agreement, whether written down or not, it is an engagement communally elicited from its sleep by its par-takers. If you do not plan on having a baby, don’t have sex especially if it is not protected and or carried out in accordance with contraceptives.
I hate it when we have to call our intentional actions, mistakes. We are always running away from the fact that WE made impulsive choices which in turn yielded awful circumstances for ourselves that could have been avoided if we took necessary precautions. We never acknowledge a fault especially if we are the cause of its eruption – we seek anything that we can hold liable.
In these instances, kids become a mistake which we out of lack of choices accept. We are stupid! We are so likely to take advantage of the voiceless and shove the blame onto their faces for they lack the ability to tell us our truths.
The time to conceive unplanned babies is over; technology has made things for us fairly easy and bearable, the time to call kids a mistake is outdated. Contraception if you cannot abstain. Mistakes are accidents; NOT having unprotected sex. Leading yourself to a baby which you are financially and emotionally unfit for is not a mistake. Let us grow and halt the game of playing victims of circumstance.
We need to plan for our lives; prepare for what we want while we work towards it. Let us not allow life to keep throwing bomb shells of surprises every now and then. We cannot deny the existence of shortcomings, however, let us know what we want and have a plan on how to execute it. Do not prepare to utter negative words, rather prepare to receive the works of your executions. Whatever the case might be, let’s strive to make the appropriate decision.